Exister

During the COVID-19 global pandemic, the Soft Moons Luis Vasquez moved from his longtime adopted home of Berlin to Joshua Tree, California, a location where he could play drums, sing, and scream as loudly as necessary. While listening to Exister, it frequently feels like getting more physical and mental space was the best thing that could have happened to him and his music. There are plenty of outbursts where Vasquez confronts his demons alone in the desert, like the in-the-red onslaught of "Stupid Child," the grinding self-loathing of "Face Is Gone," or the churning vortex of "The Pit," but the Soft Moons fifth album also lends more perspectives and nuances to his music than its had in some time. Where 2018s Criminal seemed ready to collapse on its own psychic and sonic heaviness at any moment, Exister finds room for beauty. Beginning with foreboding synth drones akin to Vasquezs 2021 solo album A Body of Errors, "Sad Song" opens the record with surprisingly melodic vocals and a tiny glimmer of hope when he sings, "I found my way on my own." With each album, the Soft Moons sonics have gotten clearer, and on Exister, Vasquezs lyrics are often just as direct. Rather than expressing general existential dread, he homes in on his family trauma. Many of the albums finest moments trace the deep scars on his soul left by the betrayal of those who were supposed to help and nurture him. "Answers" reveals just how raw the wounds still are as Vasquez snarls, "When I get the guts/I will ask the question/Mother, will you ever let me in?" "Behind the Lines" digs further into mother/child dysfunction ("You make me contemplate if I should live or be dead"), setting it to fiercely beautiful post-punk that makes it a standout along with "Monster," which takes a more figurative, but just as potent, approach as it captures the lingering cycle of abuse in just a few whispered phrases and shivery synth washes. Vasquez adds more dimension to Existers anguish with a pair of collaborations that recall how HEALTH expanded their horizons on their DISCO4 project. Producer/rapper Fish Narcs clipped delivery helps personify the struggle between Vasquezs good and bad sides on the tightly wound "Him," while Special Interests Alli Logouts fearsome wails take "Unforgiven"s rage to surreally nightmarish heights. By the time the title track brings the album to a close with mournful synths and drums that sound like they could punch holes in the sky, Exister finds Vasquez reclaiming all of himself with painful eloquence. ~ Heather Phares